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My last post, it quickly became clear to me, was wildly premature. I lasted all of two weeks without the medication before the side effects became so unbearable I just had to start taking it again. I felt dizzy and sick and I started experiencing ‘brain zaps’ (google it) several times a day. The inability to focus or concentrate made me really stressed, and the fact that there seemed to be nothing I could do to feel better (lying down, sitting still, going for a walk, sleeping…) made it even worse. Not being a quitter, I spoke to the doctor and we agreed that maybe I should try coming off even more slowly than before, taking multiple weeks at each dosage level instead of just one. I did. The same thing happened. I thought I’d got away with it, then after a couple of weeks I was too unwell to work or drive and I had to start taking the damn things again.

Yesterday, I spoke to the doctor. We agreed that he would prescribe me a liquid form of the drug (Citalopram) instead of my current tablets, because the smallest tablet is equivalent to four drops of liquid so I can reduce even more gradually than before. Not being a quitter, I’m going to give it a go, but really I can see no reason why this will work when the first two attempts haven’t. Citalopram isn’t even supposed to be especially difficult to stop taking, as antidepressants go, because it has a relatively long half life. Anyway, winter is coming and everything is worse in winter – having to pay for and consume a drug I no longer want or need will fit the mood nicely. But on the plus side, maybe I’ll become so depressed because I can’t stop taking the medication that I’ll start needing the medication again and I can stop trying to stop taking it.