After well over a year, I really have managed to extricate myself from any kind of dependency on psychiatric medication. I reduced my dosage of liquid citalopram one drop at a time, got dizzy, increased it a bit again, decreased it a bit again, got dizzy again, and tried a different doctor to see if they had any suggestions. They said that if my mood was manageable (which it was/is, though I wouldn’t say the depression has gone) and the dizziness was the only problem, they could prescribe me something for the dizziness instead.
This sounded too good to be true. The doctor said there was no way such a miniscule daily dose (2 drops, equivalent to 1/8 of one of the pills I used to take) of citalopram would be having any effect on me so I could definitely ditch it, and they weren’t sure what the dizziness was about but maybe it was some ‘unresolved mental health issues’ (I may have some of those…) and anyway here were the new drugs.
The new substance was called prochloreprazine, and it’s sometimes used to treat anxiety, so it came with the standard list of terrifying possible side effects. But on the plus side I could take it only when I needed it, and it did actually make me less dizzy. I was able to do things like driving again, and the dilemma of wanting to stop taking the citalopram but not feeling like I could reasonably take time off work to deal with the consequences of effectively choosing to make myself unwell went away. And I gradually needed the prochloreprazine less and less often – I genuinely can’t remember the last time I took it.
Am I better? Not completely. Am I still having counselling? Yes. Would I take antidepressants again? If other things weren’t working, yes. Do I think doctors should not use medication as the first response to mental health issues? Absolutely. This blog has covered my 10 years of antidepressant usage, so now seems to be a good time to sign off. Thanks for reading.
Global Mental Health Resources